


I Didn't Plan For This|| (On Hiatus)

by Markey_Bree



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Cancer, Depressed Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Lee Jihoon | Woozi-centric, Leukemia, Mentions of Cancer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:53:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28533225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Markey_Bree/pseuds/Markey_Bree
Summary: This is where someone would insert a inspirational quote. So let's skip that.***I guess it was a surprise for everyone. It surely was a surprise for me.I don't know how I'm making it.But the point is I am.And even if it's just for this very moment; I'm alive.Damn was that inspirational?Oh well.-Woozi
Relationships: Lee Jihoon | Woozi/Everyone
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	1. Prologue

**_ Woozi's POV _ **

On normal days there would be group meetings, practices, and some studio time. On normal days we could hang out and watch movies on our days off. On normal days I could sleep in without a care in the world while we were off for a few days after a comeback. On normal days I would stay locked up in my studio working hard without a wink of sleep. On normal days I was normal.  
I think I still am.  
But I don't think I'll ever be treated normal again.  
Now everyday is unpredictable, and there's always a little bit of doubt that I'll make it through another day.  
But where there's doubt, there's hope.  
My members and our fans have enough hope to keep me alive for the rest of my life.  
No amount of hope can save a life. It all comes down to fate.  
And rather that fate wants me dead or not. I guess we'll all have to wait and find out.


	2. Human Condition

I don't know when it started. When I try to think about it, nothing comes up. All I know was I wasn't okay.  
The room started to spin after the 3rd song we were practicing to. It was 5 hours before our concert and here I was feeling like shit.  
I wasn't hungry that morning so I didn't eat, thinking that's why I brush it off and push myself to follow everyone else's steps.  
We take a break after the 5th song mostly everyone collapses in place but it felt like I couldn't move. I leaned forward, my hands on my knees I breathed in deeply.  
I just need to calm down. I sit on the wooden floor and focus on my breathing.  
S.Coups went passing bottled water around, asking each individual if they were okay and to rest.  
He was being his usual dad self.  
He pats on my back handing me a water bottle I look up at him, squinting because my vision was getting blurry.  
"You alright Woozi-ah?" He asks examining my sweaty face.  
I nod, thank him for the water and gulp down as much as I can.  
Before I know it we're walking on stage, then singing and rapping to songs that I wrote and dancing to steps by our own, Hoshi.  
I don't remember much, most was a blur from the start I pushed through using pure memory. I was on auto pilot.   
I remember everything hurting at once, my vision went in and out. It was during our last song when I couldn't stay up right anymore, shortly after, after we finished a main part in a dance, I collapsed.  
I remember the screams, some cries, and then sudden deafening silence and someone threw orders about.  
The next thing I know I'm being picked up, a voice comes over a microphone to alert the carats I would be fine and rushed to the nearest hospital. Unfortunately the concert was cut short.

 **/Change in POV/**  
Everyone was panicking, I was too, but as leader I had to keep everyone else calm. We rushed behind the ambulance in two vans. I couldn't imagine what the Maknae van was like the Hyung van was dead silent, no one could think of anything to say.  
As we pulled up in front of the ER entrance everyone jumped out we watched them carry Woozi out on a stretcher inside the side doors.  
Everyone rushes through the front doors and Seungkwan is the one to make it to the front desk first asking them when we can know something.  
A doctor instructs is to sit down most of us don't, we pace silently and talk quietly amongst ourselves.  
"Is he going to be okay Hyung?" DK is the one who speaks first, it surprised me how quiet he stayed, but considering the circumstances it should've been expected.  
"I'm sure he'll be perfectly fine," I say taking my role as the oldest seriously.  
If I freaked out everyone would.  
A doctor makes her way over to us, I get everyone's attention making the boys that weren't already, stand up.  
"Lee Jihoon? Are you boys here for Lee Jihoon?" She asks, I nod and she bows, we bow back and wait for a response.  
"He's okay. He's getting a MRI at the moment and we're having a blood sample tested. He may have just over worked himself but just to be safe," she informs.  
Before anyone could ask her questions she's taken by another doctor hurriedly she nods to us and tells us someone will update us shortly.

It's another 2 hours before we hear anything else. Most of the members are sitting down playing games to help pass the time.  
Me and Wonwoo volunteer to find a snack machine. It's around 9 o' clock we were tired but too restless to sleep.  
"Think it's really just Woozi over working himself?" Wonwoo asks me as he punches in the numbers/letters for the snacks.  
"I don't know. Don't tell the others but I'm scared it's more since they are taking so long to tell us anything."  
"But Woozi overworks a lot maybe he finally just broke," Wonwoo says a little hope in his voice.  
I nod because I can see the fear in his eyes and I don't want to scare him anymore then I already have.  
When we walk back into the waiting room a doctor is standing in front of Jeonghan and Seungkwan, the others are a little behind them listening in. I glance at Wonwoo, we drop the snacks on the table joining the members.  
"...He's ready for visitors," everyone perks up at the news, "we'll allow you all to go in. Are you all his only family?"  
"His parents live in Busan," Jeonghan tells him.  
"Alright then follow me," abandoning the snacks the 12 of us follow, I'm pushed to the front with Seungkwan and Jeonghan. We're the best at talking.  
The doctor stops in front of a hospital room nearly at the end of the hall he opens it for us and each of us bow before going in.  
The hospital room is dim, there's a curtain that we have to pass to get to the hospital bed where Woozi was.  
He instantly smiles when we make our way in, The8 is the last to enter so he closes the door and the curtain. It's crowded, but we make it work.  
"How are you feeling?" I'm the first to speak, some of the members sit them selves on the couch in front of the window and occupying the couple of chairs. The rest of us stood.  
"Good. Never better, did anyone tell you if I was allowed to leave or not?"  
"Not yet," Mingyu says.  
Woozi frowns, "it feels weird," he lifts his hand where the IV is injected.  
"Does it hurt?" Dino asks.  
"No. They took a lot of blood, I'm kind of dizzy."  
"How much do you remember?" I'm not sure where this question comes from, either DK or Hoshi.  
"Nothing, I just remember falling."  
"You didn't really fall, more like collapsed. And on stage."  
"Oh. I scared everyone didn't I?"  
"Nearly gave us a heart attack," I confirmed slightly joking, Woozi chuckles.  
"Sorry. But before you yell at me I have been taking care of myself, I did forget to eat this morning though so that could've been it."  
"You should've said something."  
"On the bright side I made it through most of the concert."  
"That's not-"  
A knock cuts Jun off, a nurse and doctor walk in, one holds a clipboard.  
"The tests are done," the nurse said, flipping through a couple of pages, "you appear healthy."  
"But we have some bad news," the doctor finishes for her.  
"How bad?" I ask, stepping aside to make room for the professionals.  
Jun and Joshua are sitting on the edge of Woozi's bed, glancing between our producer and the doctors.  
"I hate to be the one to inform you all, but," there's always a but before something bad, "we detected stage 4 Acute Myelogenous Leukemia, I'm sorry."


	3. we'll figure it out

**/Woozi's POV/**  
Was a sorry supposed to make everything partially better? Because it didn't. The room that was once full of conversation was instantly cut off. I didn't know what I was supposed to do or feel or say, so I sat back some glanced between both doctors, and I dared myself to look at my members.  
I couldn't I soon realized and kept my focus on my IV.  
The doctor continued everyone was too shocked to say anything, I blocked the older man's voice out as he explained what was going to happen next.  
"Now we can try and get it out but there's so much I'm afraid it'll be too risky."  
Those words catch my attention I rip my eyes from the IV and lock eyes with the doctor.  
"How risky?" My voice comes out raspy.  
"If you want a better chance at living I think the best decision would be fighting it with chemotherapy then perhaps radiation."  
"Chemo is a safer route?" S.Coups asks and I steal a glance at him seeing his arms crossed and the stern look on his face.  
The doctor nods and goes on about how much safer it would be. But all I could think about was the long process, the pain, the throwing up, the hair loss, and so much more. I didn't want any of that. I didn't want this to ruin my career.  
"How long would it take me to heal if I have surgery?" There's several protests that fill the room after I let those words slip. I ignore every last one.  
"About a week, but it is-"  
"How long for chemo?" I cut him off and raise my hand to silent the maknae line whom were the majority of the ones protesting still.  
"6 to 8 weeks, then you have radiation."  
"Jihoon," Seungcheol grabs my attention, he shakes his head disapprovingly.  
I ignore him, and before I can continue the doctor cuts me off.  
"I'm afraid if the surgery goes wrong you'll have a longer recovery then chemo will give you. Your best shot is with chemo. I can't grantee you'll come out those doors once you go in."  
I look to Jun who placed his hand on my shoulder he gives me a pleading look and I sigh, "Okay. Fine. When do I start?"  
"Tomorrow. Just go home and rest for now. Be comfy for tomorrow it'll be long. We'll go more in depth then. You're in good hands Lee Jihoon."  
I nod, he says his farewells and those that were sitting stand to bow, the doctor bows back and smiles at me.  
The nurse smiles introduces herself before taking my IV out, she turns off the system and gives me the bag with my clothes.  
"I'll be back," I mutter, standing to make my way to the bathroom.  
It's silent but when I close the door behind me the room fills with chaos.  
I block them out and focus on untying the robe, taking a glance in the mirror, I'm still lively pale and my hair's still there. I'm alive, I'm breathing.  
So why was this happening to me?

The car ride home, I sit in the Hyung van it's awkward and I'm falling asleep on Jeonghan's shoulder. I don't actually remember falling asleep I just remember closing my eyes and not opening them again until I was in our dorm.  
I'm being lifted but I'm too tired to open my eyes and see by who.  
"Hyung?" There's a voice at the door, and I recognize it as Dino.  
"Go to the living room I'll be there in a minute," of course Mingyu was the one who carried me, I should've known.  
Drifting back to sleep I hear Mingyu whisper to me to sleep well.  
My eyes close.

 **/Hoshi's POV/**  
The tension was high as everyone sat around in the living room, S.Coups sat in a big chair with Jeonghan squished next to him.  
He made everyone be quiet, waiting for us to stop talking before he did.  
"So I talked to our manager and the CEO," S.Coups started looking around at us, "I know it's a shock for all of us. It may be just a few words for now, but I'm sure it'll get harder. Knowing Woozi, he's stubborn but a hard worker, and a good fighter. I have no doubt like I hope all of you have, that he'll kick leukemia's ass."  
There's some cheers, I remind everyone that Woozi's sleeping next door to shut them up.  
"We'll help him of course," S.Coups adds and there's a chorus of agreements, "and just like with everything we'll get through it as a team."  
"What did the CEO have to say?" I ask.  
"He said we should take the next few months off, in a week Woozi's chemo will set in and we need to be here for him. The company will make an announcement on our social media pages to inform the fans. We can't really keep it a secret since a lot got Woozi collapsing during the concert on camera."  
"How long until we can perform?" The8 asks.  
"When Woozi's better," S.Coups said sternly I knew none of us were even thinking about Woozi not being able to perform with us.  
It's either all or none.  
"Leukemia is unpredictable, my cousin had it and he wasn't on remission until year and a half after he was diagnosed," Mingyu said.  
"Then I guess we're not performing for a while," Joshua states.  
"Don't say that," the voice startles us all, "you guys can perform without me."  
We turn to see Woozi standing at the doorway with a glass of water and bed head.  
"We're not performing without you," I say using my Hyung voice.  
"That's not up to you Hoshi-Hyung," Woozi shakes his head at me, "if any one of you want to come with me to chemo tomorrow then you better get to sleep."  
No one protested, and everyone silently went to their rooms.  
I watched Woozi disappear with Mingyu, Jeonghan, and S.Coups behind him. Jun grabbed my shoulder pulling me into our room with a sympathetic smile.


	4. It's only going to get worse

**/Woozi's POV/**

After a week of chemo everything seemed to go back to normal. Sometimes I even forgot. The time in the studio was now limited and the members were instructed to drag me out after 4 hours.

We had a lot of breaks, and we took this time to record for our new album. So we weren't fully on break, which in a way I was grateful for. I'm glad everybody stopped treating me like I was broken, it was like I had a big red stamp on my forehead that read Fragile. Everybody was too afraid to say the wrong thing or hurt me if they came near me.

Lately the hospital visits weren't as frequent. I was given the most medicine I ever been given during my chemo session yesterday. So I was going to be left alone for a few days while it kicks in.

So far it's been good, the worst side affects I've had we're dizzy spells and my appetite has gone down. I was no longer in the mood for midnight snacks, I didn't have the hunger for it. Nor did I have the energy to get out of bed in the first place. However I could eat spicy foods like Jun Hyung could now, and it impressed everyone, including myself. The only problem was it tasted good going down but it was a nightmare coming back up.

The 13 of us were staying at a studio in the city to finish up recording our parts in the morning. There was one big bedroom full of bunk beds, stacked on top of each other. It was tight but we were used to it.  
I shared a bunk with Jun, he took the top and I took the bottom.

We were hanging in the bedrooms talking obnoxiously and some were rehearsing parts for tomorrow. Seungkwan and DK sang the loudest, giving me a headache. I had to stop the urge to throw something at them or yell.

I laid propped up on my stomach scrolling through my phone and typing down ideas in my notes app for songs I could write.  
Jun and Wonwoo sat on the top bunk bouncing slightly so I could hear the springs.  
Hoshi, Dino, Jeonghan, and The8 were playing some sort of game on the floor while Vernon, S.Coups, and Mingyu sat on another bed talking amongst themselves.

"Anyone want to join our game–" Dino didn't get to finish as I stood up quickly, I felt sick, really sick, "–Woozi hyung?"

I exited the room quickly I could hear the members jumping up to follow me. Pushing open the bathroom door from across the hall, I barely made it to the toilet, coughing and throwing up every last bit of food I ate that day, along with some red stuff. I soon found out it was blood as I felt a hand rub my back and the rest backing away so they don't throw up too.

S.Coups was already calling manager Hyung. I was sweating yet shivering, laying back against the wall opposite of the toilet. Hoshi sat beside me, which shocked me since he was the one I expected to throw up by just hearing me do it. I was breathing heavily, I could taste it in the back of my throat. It wasn't pleasant.

"Here Hyung," Mingyu tried handing me a wet wash cloth, I didn't reach for it or attempt to grab it.  
Hoshi took it from him and pressed it to my forehead.  
Jeonghan pushes through the members in the door way to get to me.  
"Open your mouth," he instructed and I did, keeping my eyes shut, pushing against the cloth Hoshi had in his hand. I felt a cold metal tip being set under my tongue I closed my mouth by instinct and waited for Jeonghan to take it.  
Opening my eyes as he took it from my mouth I looked up at S. Coups who waited by the counter to hear the results.

"101.3" Jeonghan said out loud.

"If we cant get it down we'll have to take him to the hospital."

"I'm fine hyungs," I muttered, leaning forward, pushing the cloth away, I flushed the toilet then leaned back again. I wish they would stop talking about me like I wasn't right next to them.

"Come on lets lay down," Hoshi said and in seconds Mingyu is there ready to carry all my weight. I stumbled some on my way back to the bedroom, but Mingyu was there ready to catch me.

"Everything's spinning," I tried to joke, but I was dead serious. I couldn't see straight.

"Here I got you water," Vernon handed me a glass and I gave him a warm smile before taking a drink.

"Thanks."

"You should lay down," Jun suggests, his mother side coming out just like Jeonghan.

"Yeah you're right."

"As soon as we get home I'm taking you to the doctor," S.Coups says, I roll my eyes.

"It's fine Hyung. Better get use to this, there's going to be a lot more that's a lot worse."

"Don't be so negative Woozi."

"Hyung I'm going to loose my hair, how am I supposed to look at that positively."

No one said anything.

They knew I was right.


	5. Thankful for air in my lungs

The next time I felt that similar pain of coughing up blood into the toilet. We were back home. Another week or so has passed and chemo was going by slowly yet smoothly. We moved dorms once again and now I was only sharing with Mingyu. 

I was no longer allowed to dance. I would sit on stage and sing my parts maybe walk around some but that was it. The carats were so welcoming at every event, I got 100s of Get Well cards at every fan meet. I kept the cards in the studio and on the fridge in the kitchen, they were nice to look at when I was in a lot of pain.

Thought I knew it wasn't my fault or even in my control I still felt bad that I couldn't perform for Carats. They all were so supportive and continuously spread hashtags on every platform as well as raise money for my chemo and other charitys that revolved around leukemia.

Pledis just released a letter two weeks ago about why I won't be dancing anymore, or why I will be absent quite often. And the Carats took it hard, I did too. It was like I was hearing the news in the beginning all over again. It sucked cause I knew exactly how they felt.

Currently it was 11 at night and I just woke up coughing my lungs up. Loud, long coughs I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I thought I was dying.  
I sit up in bed fast and I can barely hear the rustling across from me as my coughing was so obnoxious.

"Woozi! Hyung! Are you okay?" The light is switched on and Mingyu is rushing over to me, "Can you breathe?"

I shake my head. I'm coughing so much I feel like one of my lungs or organs are going to come up. I bring my hand to my mouth as I keep coughing, something wet comes out onto my hand.  
I see red then a stab feeling goes into my side.

I hate the hospital, I hate being prodded at, but the pain I felt in that moment didn't let me dislike anything but it.

"Mingyu-ah I need to go to the hospital," I breathe in then out and he's giving me tissues to get the blood off my hand.

"Okay, okay. Let me call Manager Hyung," he's reaching for his phone, and it's dead when he tries to turn it on, panicking he races out of our bedroom.

**3rd POV**

Across from Mingyu and Woozi's Room was S.Coups and Hoshi's Room. Mingyu enters and instantly turns the lights on. Leaving the door to his own room open he could still hear Woozi coughing.

"What are you doing Mingyu?" S.Coups sits up in bed bringing the covers with him.

"Call Manager Hyung and tell him Woozi needs to go to the hospital."

"Woozi needs to go to the hospital?" Hoshi opens his eyes, slowly adjusting to the sudden light, "Why?"

"Is everything alright we can hear Woozi coughing all the way in The8's room," Joshua appears with a wine glass in hand.

  
**Woozi's POV**

I climb out of bed, my whole body is hurting and I'm so dizzy, I feel drunk.

"Hyung," I call out for someone, S.Coups or Hoshi or maybe Joshua. I heard them talking and I needed them, "Hyungs." I cough some again, my head feels heavy I almost crash towards the ground before I hold onto the door frame, "Hyung."

"Yeah Woozi. I'm here, do you need to go to the toilet? Are you going to throw up?" Joshua asks holding me up, he has to pass a glass to The8 who's also in the hall.

I shake my head, "I can't breathe." I wonder if they can see how scared I am.

S.Coups is on the phone and Mingyu and Hoshi are at my side too. I'm trying to sit down on the floor which seems like the most stable, closest thing to me. I'm in and out as the Manager gets there the rest of the members are woken up, Mingyu, Joshua, and S.Coups ride with the manager to take me to the hospital. I pass out as soon as we get there.

**Joshua's POV**

It's been a good few weeks since Woozi started his first chemo session and every one after that.   
He seemed really healthy for somebody with cancer. Besides the restricted dancing policy we weren't reminded often that Woozi was sick. But he was sick, not enough to die without any of us realizing it. But it still terrified all of us.  
  


When me and Hoshi shared a hotel room together, he cried in my arms scared Woozi was going to pass and all of us won't be able to move on without him.

I think we all had those moments of doubt of Woozi not dying. We had to push through it for our composer's sake. If we showed our own fear he would be scared, and feel guilty for our pain.  
The last thing we needed was him to blame himself for something he can't possibly control. None of us could.

The manager, S.Coups, Mingyu and me were sitting in the cafeteria snacking on chips and drinking coffee.

It was nearing 1 and we still haven't heard anything. We called the others on FaceTime and explained everything we knew.   
I could see Vernon calming down Seungkwan in the background, he seemed to be crying. I felt bad that I wasn't there for him.

"When are we going to get some information?" S.Coups sighs, our Manager agrees he looks to all of us then takes a deep breath.

"I need you three to report this to carats. They deserve to know what's going on."

"I don't want to scare them," Mingyu says and I agree, they didn't need to see our tear stained faces and fear of losing our brother.

"They're not going to see anything gory, no hospital room or Woozi hooked up to some IVs. Nothing like that. Just post a short video on v-live so there's captions. Explaining the situation and make sure to tell them Woozi will be fine he's just in some pain at the moment. Okay?"

We agree and he gets up to leave, probably to find a doctor or someone in charge to yell at.

**Woozi's POV**

When I woke up I was still in pain. I could breathe but it hurt if I took too deep of breaths. I had a oxygen mask basically attached to my face and I was in a hospital room alone.  
How did I get here again?  
Or why was I here?  
I took a minute to look around.  
The heart monitor was beeping, which was the loudest thing in the room, the tv was on but mute. An IV was in my hand and I wondered where everyone was.  
There's a light knock before a man in a white coat enters the room.

"Lee Jihoon, I'm glad to see you awake. How are you feeling?"

It hits me then.

Right, I have cancer.  
That's why I'm here.

I don't know how he expects me to talk since I have the oxygen mask on and I'm not sure if I'm allowed to take it off. What if I stop breathing?

I slowly pull it down, "I'm okay," and right back up. I take a deep breath. I appreciate air in my lungs a lot more now.

"That's good. I'm here to check your vitals then we need to give you a MRI. Is that alright?" I didn't have much of a choice. I nod.

He's standing beside me fiddling with tubs and wires, placing a hand on top of the oxygen mask he looks back at me.

"Sit up for me," I do as I'm told, "take a deep breath on 3....1...2...3," I breathe and he takes it off replacing it with a tube around my neck that attaches to a machine and tubes in my nose.  
On the bright side I could breathe.

"Okay good. Now I need some blood then we'll be on our way."


End file.
